New Years Eve 2010

It's another new year, I'm another year older and once again I have no direction in my life. I keep asking myself why. Why do I have no plans. Why no goals? Why? And the only conclusion I have come up with is that well... I'm lazy. I'm just like every other schmoe in the world today, thinking and reflecting on all of the things that I didn't do last year, but want to do this year. But what's the point? I didn't do them last year. What in the world makes me think that I'm going to do it this year too?

A few reasons.

My name is Janeva, though you will come to know me as Mommy Neva. The reason? Well, I'm the mother of a beautiful little boy who is going to be 2 years old on January 30. I'm also 20 years old. I'm young. I know that I'm young, I accept that I'm young, and despite being young my son has a very good home with loving parents. Yes. Parents. As in plural. I also happen to be married to a wonderful man who is infact the biological father of my child. Incase you were wondering, and I get the feeling some of you were. Well, assuming anybody even reads this. But for my own sake, I'll assume that people do read these things.

Why am I here, telling you about myself? The reason is simple. If I would like to share my journey, because to be sure, this is infact going to be a journey; I first must tell you a little bit about myself so that you know why it is I'm asking these questions in the first place, and why it is I need CHANGE. I'm being open so that you all can hold me accountable. Accountable for what, you may be wondering... we'll get to that in a minute. Anyways, like I was saying. If you're going to hold me accountable to the things that I say you first have to know what kind of person I am and what my situation is like. I could very easily lie to all of you, but what would be the point? I wouldn't be helping myself, and I'd be wasting your precious time.

So there you have it. I'm a mother, I'm 20, and I'm married.

It seems like quite the load, and let me tell you it IS. Don't be fooled by someone pretending to skate on by in a situation like mine. They aren't. The truth is, I haven't had a real friend in so long I don't know how to talk to people. I'm fairly anti social, which is not to say I'm mean because I'm not, but I just don't get the point. I don't understand the hubbub of parties and drinking. Of multiple sex partners and orgys. I don't understand why it is people feel the necessity to spend every dime they get (and in the case of people my age don't usually earn themselves). I think that's the mother in me.

I am between worlds. I am not yet considered a full fledged adult, which I find highly ironic when you consider that I've had a child and gotten married. It's so ironic it makes me sick to my stomach.

And to top it all off. I'm fat.

I'm sure that there are those of you thinking 'figures. She's on the computer complaining about being fat.' But that's not it at all.

I don't want to be overweight. And it's a constant struggle. My husband loves me just the way I am. My child could care less, but when it comes right on down to it I don't love myself. And as we all know, you can't love others fully until you love yourself. This is the journey previously mentioned. You see, I have come to the conclusion that the only way I can possibly get into the shape I want, and make the changes I need to in my life to be successful, I have to have SOMEBODY hold me accountable.

That's where you come in.

Family are too close to me, so I don't always care about their opinions. My husband lets me slide too much, which doesn't help me at all, and I have no friends to kick me in my ass so here I am sending this hope and wish into the void where hopefully it will be grasped by one of you blessed readers. I want you to include yourself in my journey, either as a spectator and critic, or as a companion to join this struggle with me. I want to be both an inspiration to get healthy and an inspiration to stay healthy.

All of the greatest successess in the world will tell you two things. First, they will tell you that you have to stop making excuses. Second, they will tell you that you have to hold yourself accountable, and if you can find someone willing, have them hold you accountable too.

So. I send this blog out and hope that someone will tag it, and read it and join me. This is a journey to my health, and maybe yours. Good luck, Happy reading and a Toast to a new me, a new you, and a new year.

Love

Mommy Neva