Pulling teeth to find a Dentist

So I awoke this morning with the knowledge that I would be making a few calls to doctors, and I would begin the search for a dentist. This might seem simple, but really it's not. You see, my son is on Medicaid, which is insurance provided through the state to low income families to children under 18. This is a great program, and I thank the good lord for it all the time. However. It is so hard to find anybody that will accept it!

When my son was born 6 weeks prematurely, he had two holes in his heart. One of the holes was just a valve that closed by itself not too long after his birth. The other is what is known as a VSD, or a Ventricular Septic Heart Defect. It is a hole between the chambers of his heart. This can cause all kinds of nasty problems if it becomes unstable, becuase it can push non oxygenated blood and oxygenated blood through the wrong side of the heart making all kinds of problems.

I am told the hole in my sons heart is BIG. When he was only a couple days old, and they did the ultrasound (it's pretty routine for premature infants), they immediately called in a specialist. This specialist happened to be Dr. Humes who is infact the head of the Cardiology department of Michigan's Detroit Childrens Hospital. He's a big deal. He is very upfront, and doesn't give two shits about your feelings, but he is the best that there is to be had here, and I cannot even begin to tell you the comfort I have in him.

I will never forget the day he sat me down in a room, my belly still hurting from the emergency c-section, and told me that there was a big hole in my baby's heart. That we might have to do open heart surgery. He made sure to hand me a book, and told me to read it. To learn about my sons defect, so that I understood the signs of when it was getting bad. So that I knew what to look for. But he assured me over and over, that it wasn't my fault. I felt myself tear up a few times, but I made a point not to cry. I wanted this doctor to know that I would not be a blubbering idiot. I would do whatever was necessary to help my little boy grow up big and strong, and as I think back now I'm pretty sure he was taken aback my my stoic silence.

The point is, he's the best, and since my son's birth we have been carefully monitoring his heart. The thing is, this man only takes ONE kind of medicaid. It is Health Plan of Michigan. I refuse to give up this healthplan, because I refuse to give up this amazing doctor who has so profoundly impacted my life. However, while he only takes this type of medicaid, many other doctors do not take it at all. My son has been seeing the same pediatrician since he was born, and I still to this day do not like her. She shows no care for my son, and several times has come into the room thinking he is a different age, and a different kid.

How is it possible to really pay attention to a child, if you don't know who the hell the kid is? I have gone back and forth with getting a new pediatrician because it has been so long, and this doctor knows my son's situation. However, when you're sitting there for 20 minutes after your appointment was scheduled, only to see the doctor pull up and get out of her car... it really makes you wonder where in the world her priorities are. I barely see her for 30 seconds out of an entire visit, just long enough for her to listen to his heart and then give orders to the nurses and walk out.

Look guys, I know that doctors are busy, but seriously? There are only two other doctors in the area that accept my son's insurance, and one of them I can tell you by experience is a complete quack. The other isn't board certified. So here I am, stuck with a pediatrician who doesn't give a damn. I'm not really sure what I'm going to do.

But I've gotten way off topic. The point was, nobody takes this insurance. I got a paper in the mail telling me that I had to pick a dentist for my son, so I begin the search by seeking out dentists in the area. But it's like nobody wants to send out the message that they help poor people, so you have to CALL every office and ask them if theya ccept medicaid.

At first they are syrupy sweet, and are all revved to help you. So you ask the question. 'Do you accept Medicaid?" And suddenly that sweetness turns to a nasty sour sound as they begin their replies. "No, I'm Soooorry, we don't take that. CLICK." as they hand up. Now, text cannot possibly convey the pure acidic, borderline hatred and distaste that they express. As if you are too fucking poor for their time. How dare you call them? How dare you waste their precious nail filing time at their desk? You, you who are poor and below the standard for normal human life.

I cried. I got this 4 times, and just broke down. It wasn't for me, it was for my son. Why did they have to sound that way? Couldn't they have been a little bit nicer? What had I done so wrong as to deserve their contempt and animosity? --Sure, it's foolish. I probably was overreacting, but I just have to tell you guys, they weren't nice. There did happen to be one that WAS really nice, and through her help I have found a dentist that I think will work really well, but the point was she was only 1 in the however many I managed to call. Only 1.

I know that people tend to look at my family differently when they find out that I get food stamps, and I have my son on medicaid. What they don't see is that even with all of our effort, we just can't afford things. I go to school full time, and my husband works full time. I was working until I got fired because our car broke down and we didn't have the money to fix it. Times are hard on everybody, and I am very blessed for the things I have. I can't understand why people are so mean to those who go out and seek aid. Am I such a terrible mother that I would put away my ego, swallow my pride, to make sure my son has a hot meal in his belly, and the doctors he needs to survive? And I often wonder if people realize what their meanness does to other people. Sure, I could feed my 'pride', and let my family starve, and tell my son 'good luck, you're not going to have any food today but hey... we've got out pride', but you know what? Kids don't care about pride. My son doesn't look at me any differently. He knows I'm doing what I have to so that he can be happy and healthy.

Why are adults so removed from the view of a child?

I hear it all the time. 'Yeah, my tax money pays for your food. Yeah, my fucking taxes pay for your kids insurance.' ...Yeah? Well you have to pay taxes ANYWAYS, shouldn't you be glad that your taxes are going to the survival of a child? That your taxes might one day pay to save my son's life should he need heart surgery? Shouldn't you be comforted in the knowledge that your taxes are preventing women and children from living on the streets, and eating garbage? That because of your taxes, children who would have otherwise died are now living? Without your taxes I would not have lived through my pregnancy.

But nobody looks at it that way. They look at it as if I'm stealing. Little more than a petty thief garnishing your hard earned wages. Well, I have worked, and my husband works, and we pay taxes. So why is it we are so different from you?

These are my thoughts and feelings, and I leave you to them as my son has to go to his doctor soon and we need to get ready. Be nice to everybody, you have no idea how your niceness might affect their day, and how wonderful it could be for them. Or for yrouself. We often overlook the good that can come from a single hug, or a simple compliment. My challenge to you today is to give out at least three compliments, and see if in some way it doesn't make you feel better about yourself. I know it always does me.